Anaesthesia Adventures

So, I'm home. I got back Sunday afternoon about 5:30 or so. I was tired after having had only two hours of sleep the night before, but I had been anticipating that lack of sleep, so I wasn't too traumatized. Besides major orthopedic surgery on Thursday, I haven't done anything exciting, daring, or adventurous since I got home. This may sound weird, but the most adventurous part of the surgery process was the anesthesiologist, whom I will call "Doug."

When he walked into the surgical prep room, it was about 7 am. I was slightly bleary-eyed, very nervous, and quite funny looking. I was wearing a hospital gown, compression tights, blue booties, and a face drawn with nervous anticipation. The nurse had completed my pregnancy test, which (sarcastic surprise!) was negative. They insist upon doing them, which I find highly aggravating. So Doug's first impression was not endearing. He walked in, introduced himself, looked at the negative pregnancy test on the counter, grinned, winked at me, and proceeded with his low-down of the situation. I was indignant.

He proceeded to tell me about how he was going to give me a "nerve block" in my lower right leg to make it completely numb. He explained that it was sort of like an epidural, but for my lower leg. It would wear off in eight to twelve hours. The doctor, he said, liked him to do these because he thought it made the recovery go easier. Doug disagreed. "It's either gonna hurt like hell now or a few hours later. HAHA." I raised a quizzical eyebrow. This was going to be interesting.

Lying on the gurney in the OR, I was praying earnestly that Doug wouldn't accidentally kill me. As he walked in, he punched me in the arm saying, "Oh, you sneaky devil, you, I didn't see you go past. Thought you could run away, did ya?" He reminded me of a pirate. Or a motorcycle rider. He stuck a needle in my arm to start an IV. He missed the vein. Ouch. He tried a second time and got it in. (I have a large bruise on my forearm as a testament to his imprecision.) He gave me a few CCs of something that would "make me feel like I had had a couple of beers." I threw him a look. He retracted that quickly, "but of course you're too young to know what that's like." I smiled. He did take a hint, whether or nor he believed my incredulity to be sincere. He had me roll over to do the nerve block. "Now this is going to hurt." Oh, goodie. Jab. Yep, that hurt. But it's over now. Jab. Ow, that really hurt... how many times does he have to do that? Jab, jab, jab. The needle went in and out of the back of my knee about twenty times at various depths and places. I rolled back over. Last coherent thought, "Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary..."