Redefining Feminism

Invisible lines have caused me a lot of problems in my life.

I don't know where they are. I tend to be overly confident in my understanding of them. Consequently, I stumble across and land on my face into the quagmire of the "other side" of the line with frightening frequency.

We walk along a lot of lines in our lives. We have to "toe them," but sometimes we "cross them" to serve a bigger purpose. One line, in particular, has been on my mind a lot recently. What is the line of feminine feminism? I guess, more accurately, the question would be where is the line? What is feminism, even? Not what it has been, but what it should be.

I consider myself a traditionalist. I have traditional values, traditional expectations, and believe in traditional gender roles. I considered myself - until very recently - to be about as far from a feminist as was humanly possible.

But something has changed. I like to think that I am a feminist, with the proper understanding of that word.

Feminism isn't about demeaning men.

Feminism isn't about burning our bras as we yell passionately about our rights.

Feminism isn't about turning women into men.

Feminism came about because it is enormously insulting and demeaning to have a patient refer to you as "your girl" to the doctor. Because hearing that makes you go, "excuse me??? I am nobody's girl."

Feminism came about because it is entirely unfair to be told, "Oh, it's okay, I expect you to make mistakes. You are a woman."

Feminism isn't about making women into these perfect beings who can do no wrong. It's about giving them the respect that is demanded by their human dignity. If I make a mistake, it's not because I'm a woman. It's because I'm human.

True femininity does not consist of skirt wearing, elegant jewelry, and a distaste for getting your hands dirty. 

True feminism does not consist in angry rants and belittling men.

We need to redefine femininity and feminism. We need to retake them and make them real virtues.

Women: don't be ditzes. Don't be angry.

Be strong. Be compassionate. Be intelligent. Be gentle. Be selfless.

Don't attach your self-worth to an ideology that makes you less than you are, traditionalist or feminist. Don't look at the people on the other side of the line between femininity and feminism and condemn them. The truth of the matter is, there shouldn't be a line. No one should have to deny a whole aspect of their personhood. There is nothing unfeminine about independence. There is no reason to be ashamed of gentleness.

Why must we draw lines where there are none? We must redefine those words; we must change expectations.

We must be feminine, feminist women.