Break the Silence

I know from my little "stats" button that I do have more than a handful of people who read my words here. I need you all to break the silence because I have a very important question that needs a concrete answer.

I need shoes for a trip to North Carolina. I brought sensible, canvas flats last time... they got soaked and sopping wet in my first hour on the ground. It appears that it rains in other parts of the country.

So what does this shoe-hating, toes-get-crushed-but-heel-slides-out, would-rather-die-than-wear-ugly-shoes SoCal girl wear on her feet for such a trip?

Help?

What Women Want

I realize that this may cause an uproar from all sides, but I thought I'd try my hand at answering this age-old question. What do women want?

Men complain that they are baffled by women and their emotional variety. From my vast twenty-two years of experience (sarcasm), I think I've come up with some basic guidelines that general enough to cover all of the bases, but not particular enough to be extremely helpful (sorry, guys). Each woman is different, so you still have to figure out what each of the below things means to each individual. What is the same, though, is that each woman does want the same things. Without further ado, the list.

~ She wants you to love her ~
My list starts with the most important one. This is at the basis of every human interaction a woman has: does this person love me or not? The importance of loving the women in your life cannot be overstated. She wants to be loved. Period.

~ She wants to be able to tell that you love her ~
Every woman not only needs love, but needs to know about it. The tricky part is that you have to figure out (most likely by trial and error) how it is that particular woman will feel loved. Some need verbal affirmation. Some need a hug. Some need you to put aside time for them. She wants to know she's loved.

~ She doesn't feel she deserves love ~
I know, I know. This seems to just outright contradict the last two. She needs to be loved, she needs to know you love her, but she'll probably fight accepting your love. Most (many?) women don't feel they deserve the enormous gift of your love. Because love is a gift. It isn't earned, it isn't bought. It's simply given and accepted. And women have a helluvatime accepting it. So never, never, never put a woman down - she does an excellent job doing that to herself.

~ She is scared ~
Another factor in her fight against accepting your love: she's scared. Because when a woman accepts your love, she opens herself up to being hurt by you. She has to make sure that you're worth it. Blame Adam and Eve if you will, but it is the reality of human interactions. People can be jerks. In our simple naivety, we think that if someone loves us, they will somehow become perfect toward us. It doesn't work that way (speaking from personal experience), but we desperately want it to work that way. So you'll have to push a bit. You'll have to try more than once. If you mess up, you'll have to try even harder. If you don't, you are simply reaffirming her notion that she isn't worth loving. Fair? No. True? Definitely.

~ If you don't love her, be considerate toward her ~
Love is an enormous gift. So if you can't love one or any of the women in your life, at least be considerate. Show her that you care about her feelings, her well-being, her opinions... take the time and energy to be considerate. This, after being loved, is probably the most important thing.

~ She wants to feel beautiful ~
Every woman wants to regain that feeling of regal beauty that they had as a little girl, standing in front of the mirror in a tutu and a plastic tiara. Every woman has something about her appearance that she cannot stand - something that she would change in a minute if she could. If someone were to tell her that she looks nice today, or that you like the way she did her hair, or that the dress is beautiful on her, she would appreciate it. She might be embarrassed or not know how to respond - after all, no gentleman has told her that she looked beautiful since her high school prom date - but she will feel more beautiful because of it. And guys... how hard is it to do that? A simple (sincere) compliment does a world of good. It will make her feel loved (see the first two items in this list).  

Advice Column: where a girl should shop

*Warning: girly post! About clothes and body types! Boys & men: don't say I didn't warn you!*

I. Love. Clothes. I do. I do. I do. I'm not going to try to justify it, but I am just admitting it. Because I love clothes so much, I have gone to many stores and many departments of stores and tried on HUNDREDS of things. Of the things I try on, I buy very few. Usually, it's because they're too expensive for me to justify the purchase. The most common reason I turn down a piece: it doesn't fit right.

Length
 
I'm not "short" by more objective standards, but I am shorter than average and thereby considerably shorter than the average model. Since clothes seem to be made for model-height women, they usually are longer on me than was originally intended by the designer.

When it comes to dresses and skirts, I don't too much mind this phenomenon. I have fairly modest taste when it comes to hem lengths, and if it's a bit longer on me, I usually don't mind. (The only BIG exception to this is maxi dresses, which are about ten feet too long for me. I have yet to find one that I loved enough to buy and hem for myself.) Length can be an issue with necklines. There is more distance between a tall woman's collarbone and cleavage than there is between mine. A tank top is usually necessary to cover up the difference. Thankfully, they're still somewhat in style. I'm hoping that trend will stick around for many years to come.

Now you're asking, where's the advice? I'm getting there. Since there are such a variety of body types and I only have one, I am going to deal with what I know. Those of you who have other body types may glean some useful information as well, but only because it is what does not work for me.

Me

For those of you who don't know me in real life, I'll give you a brief description. I'm 5' 4", and very... Italian. Sorry, that's the only one-word description that I can think of. To break it down for you, I have a classic "hourglass" figure: a C-cup, substantial (but not outrageously large) hips, a curvy patootie, and a waist that's two sizes smaller than my hips. Oddly enough, after college graduation I lost about 15 pounds... but my cup size got bigger. Weird, right? Ok, so that's me.  

Curve

Here's the area where I encounter the most issues.

At whatever store you shop, it is usually going to cater to one body type or another. Forever 21, for example, caters to juniors. Coldwater Creek caters to middle-aged and older women. I cannot shop at either. Here's why:

Forever 21 (and other stores or departments that cater to juniors)

I recently went to Forever 21 for the first time. And their stuff is cute. My goodness. Their dresses? To die for. The only reason I didn't try on every single one was because I am trying to avoid dressing like a little girl and making myself look even more like a 16 year old. Ahem.

I grabbed a few of their dresses and headed to the dressing room. I was left with two distinct impressions: 1) their clothes are meant to last 3 days, 17 hours, and 56 minutes and 2) they're made for people with little to no boobs or hips.

I'm serious. Those dresses were cut like boy clothes. The waist fit great... but they were stretched uncomfortably over other areas. Awkward.

I know these places advertise for "curvy" girls, too. They have a special section for them. That doesn't mean curvy and petite, though. It means curvy and big. Sure, the dresses had more room in the chest and butt, but they also had enough room for two of me in the waist area.

Lesson learned: Just Say NO To The Junior Section.

Coldwater Creek (and other stores that cater to matrons)

Why I don't shop in places like this takes very little explanation. I'm usually hard pressed to find anything that I would call cute. The occasional pieces that I do find - and am willing to try on - fit all wrong, too. They're all too big. Even the things that are the "right size" are too big. I'm not sure how else to describe it. I guess after a certain age, a woman wants more room in her clothes to better hide "flaws." I just feel like I'm drowning. The exception to this is slacks. If I can find some that aren't egregiously long on me, I'm usually ok with how slacks from these places fit. I think it's because I don't feel that butt-clinging pants are appropriate for work or other settings in which one would wear slacks.

Where To Shop

Now that I've covered the "no's", I'll give you a few "yes's."

Rule 1: You Get What You Pay For

We've all heard this over and over again, but it's 100% true in the world of fashion. A bigger price tag means better fabric, better stitching, better fit, and better service. If you need a nice piece or want something that will last, you'll have to spend more. I wasn't convinced of this for a long time, but I'm sure it's true after hours of failed shopping trips and regretted purchases.

Caveat to Rule 1: if it's an extremely trendy piece (i.e., something that will go out of style quickly), paying the big bucks probably isn't worth it. Need a sequined top for a party? Shop the clearance rack at Target.

Rule 2: Find Your Favorite Stores and Stick To Them

Once you find what works for you, don't stray from it. I, personally, love Banana Republic. Things fit me almost perfectly. They go in and out at all of the right places and the perfect amount. I regretted my brief jaunt into Forever 21. I came out feeling fat and ugly. I never feel that way when I leave Banana Republic, even when I walk out empty-handed.

Rule 3: Belts are your friend

If you have boobs and hips, belts are you friend. Sometimes your waist can get lost between the two of them. Belt up. It gives you your shape back. This goes for dresses and longer shirts. Oh, and pants, too. But that's mostly for when your hips require a size of pants that your waist is left hoola-hooping in. Doesn't really do anything for your figure, but it will help your self-confidence. No one feels proud about losing their pants... 

Rule 4: Don't shop with your Barbie-figured friend

I suppose this is technically a "don't," but I feel it's important to add. If you have a model-proportioned, tall, leggy, gorgeous friend and you are shorter and rounder, she will look better in everything she tries on than you will in anything you try on. You will develop either a bad case of mirror-image envy or just lose quite a bit of self-confidence. Shop alone or with someone who couldn't be strutting the runway either.  

I know this sounds mean, but it is not meant to be. It's something I've learned from experience. When you are in that dressing room, it's difficult to see something you like. All of us women are our own harshest critics. We are not helping ourselves when we stand in front of a mirror next to someone who is wearing the same dress, but 5 sizes smaller. Do yourself a favor and leave the model friend at home. You have more chance of seeing the beauty that is actually there when you aren't playing the comparison game.

Rule 5: It's only a number

Sometimes you have to put on a bigger size. It happens. But that bigger size could look fabulous on you. If it bothers you, buy it, bring it home, and cut the tag out. No one who sees you in it will know and, eventually, you will forget. All that matters is that YOU look amazing.

p.s. - you can still vote for me in that Anthropologie contest. If you already voted, you can vote again! (c'mon! help a girl out!) :)