How It Ended

So, you know that battery story? The one that involved fondue skewers, baking soda, and a freezer? Well... it ended in the most embarrassing way possible.

Off to the Genius Bar at the Apple store we went. I explained the problem and enumerated some of the ways in which I tried to solve the problem. Chris, the young man who was helping me, graciously took the keyboard into the back to try something. He came out five minutes later to tell me that... wait for it...

this model only has two batteries in it.

Not three. That thing I was trying to get out? Not a battery. Just part of the keyboard that looks deceptively like the positive end of a battery.

Here's the kicker: there's a little tiny diagram on the back depicting two batteries. The main purpose is to show you which direction the batteries should go, but there are two of them. I totally didn't notice that the picture was there. Instead, I spent two hours trying to get a non-existent battery out.

I am so humiliated. Not about what happened at the store. Chris was very gracious. I'm super embarrassed that I didn't notice that. I am embarrassed for myself. Ohhhh, boy.

And that, dear readers, is how it ended. *face palm*

"Well, at least you're cute."

I usually use the above excuse for myself. Some people don't appreciate it (ahem, Jeffrey, ahem), others find it funny. In the past few days, however, people have been saying it about me. This makes me feel much less guilty about using it myself. Here are the circumstances.

This first is a simple scenario. I was talking to a guy friend at TAC about the Miramar Airshow. I mentioned that it was huge and super awesome and that they have a booth where you can hold guns. This guy didn't believe that was a privilege shared by all. He said, "They just let you do that because you're cute and adorable and stuff." While that isn't true (they really do let everyone - cute or not - hold the guns), it was certainly flattering.

The second situation was a little more complex. It involves a wireless keyboard with a battery stuck in it. As the resident "google a solution and implement it" person in our house, I set off, trying a variety of remedies. I tried a stick with glue on the end, which was absolutely ineffectual. (Krazy glue, I'm sure, would have worked, but the brush part got stuck in the bottle and broke off from the cap. Scrapbooking glue wasn't quite intense enough.) I tried to extract the battery with duct tape stuck to the end of the stick. The only result was getting a wad of tape jammed down with the battery. It took a lot of careful maneuvering with a fondue skewer to get it back out. Next, on the off chance it was stuck due to corrosion, I dripped a baking soda and water solution into the tube. There is now a coating of white powder in the battery chamber, along with the ever-stuck battery. My last solution was to freeze the whole keyboard and then blow-dry the tubing after the battery was chilled in hope that the expansion of the tube and the contraction of the battery would allow for the wiggle room I needed. No luck. Anyway, after an hour of these futile efforts, it was decreed that we would bring it into the Apple store. Mum says she'll bring me because, and I quote, "They won't laugh at you for trying all of those things since you're cute."

Hehe.