14 June 2013

The Problems of "God Bless"

Recently I have been mulling over the Catholic/Christian tradition of signing off letters, birthday messages, phone conversations, emails, etc. with "God bless." It seems to me that while it's a good thing in itself, it's something that can lead to some problems.

The first, and least serious, of these problems is that it is yet another thing you have to say or write as you say goodbye, dragging out the process. There's "I miss you," "I love you," "Thanks!," "See you soon," and "God bless." What order do you put these in? Does each get a separate line? Which do you put as sentences in a concluding paragraph and which do you use as a sign-off? Maybe this one falls easily into the category of me over-thinking things, but this is how I see it: more words, more things to interpret, more possibility for confusion.

Another, more serious problem, is that it can easily turn into something about which you are scrupulous. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have written a letter, email, etc., left off the "God bless," and then gone back and added it because I felt like the person would judge me for not putting it there. Or worse, that God would judge me for not putting it there. I was afraid that the person would think I was losing my faith or was a "bad Catholic" for not putting that phrase there. Once it becomes this object of such worrying, I would argue that it has lost quite a bit of its value. It is supposed to be a gesture of goodwill, but it can become a way to give yourself Catholic-points. It became a measure of your "good Catholic-ness."

This leads into the final, and most serious problem: wherein "God bless" becomes an empty phrase. It's like saying "I love you"... if you use it all the time people start to think you don't really mean it. While some people may sincerely love everyone (like me... I really do love everybody), some people use it as a filler. Think about it: every time you write or say "God bless" are you using it as the convenient Christian sign-off or are you really intentionally wishing God's blessings upon them?

I am not writing this as a judgment on any of you who use "God bless" all the time. I have no doubt that some of you are sincere, intentional, and non-scrupulous about it. But just like all good things, it can be abused. And I, for one, need to be careful not to abuse it.


12 June 2013

Apple Is Wonderful

Ok, I'm probably going to jinx myself and my software forever by posting this before I install it, but here goes anyway. I'm Catholic. I'm not superstitious. *finds wood to knock on*

I'm back. And for those of you who are wondering, I did just knock on real wood. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Apple.

So I bought a new computer ($$$) for my birthday and bought new MS Office software to go with it (so I can write my book about my life. it'll be hilarious, y'all). When I finally opened and tried to install my software, I discovered that Microsoft is a group of lying, deceiving... er.... I don't know how young my youngest reader is so I'm gonna go with BAD GUYS. My 25 character keycode was misprinted so the first character was cut off. That's right. No 25th character. No software install possible.

I called Apple this morning and told them of my dilemma. The first young man I spoke with told me that I needed to talk to Microsoft directly. (BAD DAVE. I don't like you!)

I spent over an hour on the phone with those... bad guys... during which I was put on hold, not once, not twice, but SIX TIMES. When they transferred my call to the refund department, it dropped the call. Thankfully the bad man was kind enough to give me the number before he transferred me to the other department "just in case" something happened to the call. THAT DUDE DISCONNECTED ME ON PURPOSE. I called the other department, waited on hold for 15 minutes, and then was told that I had to mail the defective product plus a letter with detailed contact info so they could send me a check in 6 weeks to refund me. Six weeks MINIMUM.

This was all just ridiculous. My mother thought so, too, so she called Apple and gave them a piece of her mind. We bought the software from the online Apple store, shouldn't we be able to just exchange it there??? And yes, yes, we could. The people at the customer service center didn't think so, but the WONDERFUL people at the actual physical store location were scared of my mama took pity on me and let me bring it in and let me exchange the defective piece of... not-goodness... for a hopefully functioning piece of goodness. THANK YOU, APPLE.

Y'all... wish me luck as I go try to install this thing. Praying for no explosions and hoping for a successful install (so I can finally write a hilarious book about my hilarious life!... y'all would buy that, right?).

09 June 2013

Dude, you're cute...

... but not cute enough to make up for your other deficiencies.

You guys hooked? Good. Keep reading to hear the entirety.

The Story of the Cute Guy in Mass Today

As I was praying before Mass, I noticed that behind me to my right was a well-dressed young man. A few surreptitious glances through my conveniently drifting eye and I discerned that he was reasonably cute, although shorter than what is preferable. Said to self, "Ok, Bridget. He's cute. Don't do anything embarrassing during Mass. Maybe you'll run into him after Mass and be able to strike up a conversation with him. Yes, this could be good. Don't ruin it by doing something dumb/embarrassing/potentially life threatening."

If I wasn't already sold on this dude, I became sold when he opened his mouth to join in the opening hymn and the most beautiful sound started coming out. Not a pop star voice, not an overly-vibrato'd voice that is just trying too hard, but a beautiful, incredible, wonderful baritone voice that you could listen to all day. Or, at least, I could listen to all day. It was wonderful. I wanted to marry him.

That was the high point in our relationship. After that, things started to go downhill. First, he laughed at the first reading. I don't know what about it he found funny, but apparently he thought it was funny because he got all giggly.

Second, the Gospel made him emit some noise that sounded like crying. Yes, crying. Weird.

Third, at every song announcement, he would make some under-his-breath-but-not-quiet-enough-for-me-not-to-hear comment about the song choice. "Ooooh, interesting choice."; "I don't like this one."; "I've never heard of this one."; "YES, I like this one!"

Fourth, HE KEPT STARING AT ME. Incessantly. Ok, ok, I know you're wondering how I know that since he was behind me. First, he wasn't directly behind me. As aforementioned, he was behind me to my right, so he was well within "corner of my eye" range. Second, I had to get up for both collections and he watched me walk back and forth. It wasn't even subtle. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO TRAP ME WITH HIS EYEBALLS AND KEEP ME THERE FOREVER. Ok, that's probably an exaggeration, but it was weird. Third, and most importantly, girls know when a guy is staring. It's just in the programming. Sorry, dudes. Even subtle staring is usually detectable.

Fifth, he bequeathed the sign of peace upon people like he was some celebrity doing you a great honor. He was very... smiley. And enthusiastic. Me no likey. If we must have the sign of peace, keep it short and non-obtrusive. Preferably, it doesn't involve touching people. None of this intense eye-contact, longer-than-necessary handshake business.

Sixth, he likes "Canticle of the Sun." No, please&thankyou.

At the end of Mass, as I was kneeling to pray, he tapped me on the shoulder and told me, "Keep singing. You have a very nice voice." (The compliment was sweet. Thanks, dude.) Then he walked away, looking pleased as punch with himself. Or me. Or the world. It's really hard to tell exactly what he found so pleasing since this isn't fiction and I couldn't actually ask him what he was pleased with, but he just kept staring and smiling at me as he walked away.

I don't want to marry him anymore.

Let's Pretend That Wasn't A Bad Word | Book Review

So I just finished a HILARIOUS BOOK. It's called "Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)" by Jenny Lawson.

It was awesome. I spent days literally laughing out loud. I don't do that over many things, but this book was awesome. It was so, so, so, so, soooooo funny. Seriously. I haven't laughed that hard over anything in my life (ok, that probably isn't true. i just don't remember laughing that hard about anything. but my memory isn't perfect).

Buuuuuut... I can't recommend it to the majority of you because it has a lot of bad words. And anatomical words that should be saved for OB/GYN visits or anatomy classes. That doesn't mean I didn't think it was funny. Because it was. I just don't know if you all - non-rebellious, way-more-sheltered-than-me, good kids - would find it funny. I think you all might get stuck on the bad words and miss out on the over-the-top, hysterical, bizarre and FUNNY STORIES contained in this book.

Omigoodness, it's perfection.

On the chance that I've misjudged you - something I've been known to do - it's a book that I would heartily recommend if you want a good laugh. I know I said this several times already, but this book is awesome. This woman is awesome. Her book is AWESOME.

07 June 2013

Scrappy Catch-Up

I realize it's been a loooong time since I've done a scrapbooky post. I apologize. Here are two of my most recent layouts, both highlighting photos from Chris and Kate's wedding:


 Together At Last
 This layout incorporates both their invitation and the envelope in which their invitation came. It was a coordinating color and I love the bit of rose stamp that peeks out behind the photo. It was also free paper.

 Yes, that does say "finally." Not a judgmental finally, but an excited "the wait is over!" finally because I'm happy for them.

You & Me
 This layout celebrates the togetherness of a wedding party. I have always loved the couples of groomsman+bridesmaid that complement the bride&groom. Unlike most bridal parties, this one was composed of all good friends. Everybody knew everybody, so there was no awkwardness. Everyone was comfortable and happy.


And there you have it! Scrappy Saturday brought to you from my super messy scrappy corner! :)

Too Weird to Make Up

You know that sometimes you have those experiences that are just too strange to make them up? Still, you resist telling people about them because you think "Oh, they might think I made this up and judge me for it!" so you keep your mouth shut.

Well, my life is full of those moments. I had one yesterday. And I am braving your judgmental judgyness and telling you.

I was zipping my shorts up (and don't pretend to be weirded out by this, people. Zipping pants up isn't even remotely exciting. We all do it. Unless we're really old or super young, in which case we are blessed with elastic waistbands, our denim shorts all zip up. And we all occasionally have to zip and unzip them. So deal with it.) when something strange happened.

I gave myself a papercut on the zipper.

Ok, technically it's a metal cut... or a zipper cut... but it's one of those little sliver cuts that bleeds a little and then really hurts for days and threatens to get infected. Seriously, the whole top of my thumb is pink and kinda swollen. And it HURTS.

Yes, so that is the weird thing that happened to me yesterday. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I mean, really... who gets a paper-metal-zipper-cut? It's beyond my wildest imaginings.

04 June 2013

Gag Reflex

I have a very sensitive gag reflex. It takes very little to make me gag.

Unfortunately, I don't just gag on dental x-rays. I gag on romance and sentiment. Like this image:



As an aside, I will fall for (probably) any man in military uniform. Just saying. And a kiss on the forehead? Super sweet.

But the quote? GAG. (To get the full effect, read the following with me talking really loud and waving my hands around like the crazy Italian woman I am).

First, the fact that we're all supposed to be striving to be "ideal" is just weird. What does that mean? Is there one archetype that ignores human complexity? (thanks, Kathryn, for that phrase. It hits the nail on the head, I think.)

Second, I just find it way too sentimental, mushy, fluffy, etc. I know that romance can be good. Sentiment, even, can be good. But this kind of romance and sentiment makes my skin crawl.

So what should this photo say?

Maybe something about not fitting an ideal, but being yourself without compromise. That way, those that are attracted to you will be attracted to YOU, not some ideal. If they marry you, they're going to have to live with you - not an ideal.

Maybe something about recognizing your faults and accepting them as a part of who you are. This does not mean that you shouldn't strive to overcome your faults. It means that you accept that you aren't perfect. You have to accept that because it's true. You are not perfect and no one is perfect for you. No one is perfect. Period. We can't be perfect for ourselves and we can't be perfect for each other.

Why not? Because life is messy. Sin made it that way. It's unscripted, disappointing, and messy. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be happy. Stop waiting for the perfect person who matches that checklist you wrote. They're not coming.

You are a sinner. I am a sinner. We're all sinners. With sin, we can't be ideal. With free will and our beautifully, lovingly created souls, we can't all fit one ideal.

Loving is not about being blind to a person's faults. It is not about ignoring them when you notice them. Loving is about accepting the faults as part of the person. It is about forgiving the other person for hurt they cause. It's about second, third, and seventy-times-seven chances.

So stop making gag-worthy photo-catch-phrase combinations. Love is more complicated than a catch-phrase cutely paired with a photo.

I just want a normal guy who loves me and is willing to laugh at me, my strange antics, and, occasionally (maybe more than occasionally), himself. I want a guy who is smart and responsible. I want him to have faults because WHO ON EARTH WANTS TO LIVE WITH AN IDEAL MAN????? 

End of rant.