My former boss called me a stubborn ass as I lay on the floor, struggling to breathe. I wheezed out a laugh. If he only knew the half of it.
I am stubborn beyond reason. Faced with arguments and facts to the contrary, I charge fearlessly into whatever situation, holding firmly to the belief that I know best.
I always thought of myself as a very forgiving person. I don't hold grudges. Or, rather, I thought I didn't.
I came to the realization that the reason that I forgive so easily is that I do not usually blame others for my pain, but I blame myself. It is not their fault, it's mine. I trusted them too soon or too much. I depended on them unfairly. Etc. It is easy for me to forgive them because, in my mind, there is nothing to forgive them for.
But when a situation comes up that I wholly and firmly believe was the other person's fault... well, it takes a lot for me to forgive them.
I am a stubborn ass.
It takes a tragedy to make me realize how blessed I am.
It makes me realize that the grudge I was holding - the anger I was feeling - was not as important as I had led myself to believe.
Love and friendship... well, they're more important. But this still didn't give me the answer I needed. The answer to how I can forgive. How do you un-break your heart?
I learned this lesson from a very wise woman:
Your heart cannot forgive.
That's why He gave you His.
When the heart beating in you is Christ's, you can forgive in a heartbeat.
When I came down the stairs this morning to a newspaper with the pictures of twenty sweet children, smiling and full of joy, the anger and pride gave way to tears. There are twenty-six families who will be heart-broken this Christmas. Who will not be able to tell someone how much they are loved.
And the fact that I am still able to do so is something that I cannot ignore. It is a fact that demands attention. And action.
Do not let pride, anger, and resentment hold you back from those whom God has given to you to be loved.
17 December 2012
16 December 2012
A Gentleman and a Scholar
I have the best guy friends IN THE WORLD.
Dan proved this rather emphatically this week.
As you all know, I was let go from my job on Tuesday after my Monday adventure to the ER. To add to the sadness, our company party was scheduled for last night. I was super excited. I had a pretty dress picked out, there was going to be dancing, and Dan had agreed to come with me as my "date." So when they ended my assignment, my Saturday plans went down the drain as well.
Until, that is, Dan stepped up to the man-plate and treated me like a princess. He picked me up, took me out to dinner (at The Field downtown), and then, as the surprise, we attending the Mission concert.
I had so much fun and felt so very loved.
To top off the excellence of the evening, another good friend (Jeff) was singing in the concert so we got to see him afterwards. I managed to snag a picture with the two of them.
Aren't they handsome? :) I am such a lucky girl to have such kind, wonderful, and handsome fellows in my life.
Dan proved this rather emphatically this week.
As you all know, I was let go from my job on Tuesday after my Monday adventure to the ER. To add to the sadness, our company party was scheduled for last night. I was super excited. I had a pretty dress picked out, there was going to be dancing, and Dan had agreed to come with me as my "date." So when they ended my assignment, my Saturday plans went down the drain as well.
Until, that is, Dan stepped up to the man-plate and treated me like a princess. He picked me up, took me out to dinner (at The Field downtown), and then, as the surprise, we attending the Mission concert.
I had so much fun and felt so very loved.
To top off the excellence of the evening, another good friend (Jeff) was singing in the concert so we got to see him afterwards. I managed to snag a picture with the two of them.
Aren't they handsome? :) I am such a lucky girl to have such kind, wonderful, and handsome fellows in my life.
15 December 2012
'Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost
We are faced with tragedy. We don't understand. We cannot understand.
We can do a couple of things. We can pray, mourn, and hope. Or we can blame.
Blame can feel good. To point a finger at everyone and everything with any connection to the event. Within hours of the tragedy, my twitter feed was full of people sending petitions to Obama for more gun control, petitioning for armed guards at every school, and calling for a stricter policy regarding those people with mental illness.
It takes an out of control situation and puts it back into a controlled box.
When faced with chaos and confusion, we desperately try to find solutions. This is part of our nature as rational beings. And like all of the varied aspects of our rationality, it can be used well. It can also be used poorly.
What happened yesterday was an unmitigated, undeniable, unimaginable tragedy. So many hearts were broken. Shattered. Lives were changed forever.
We cannot understand.
We cannot understand why God lets these things happen.
In our desperation, we blame.
But blame is just words. Ugly, sometimes hateful, words.
Prayer, mourning, and hope... those look toward healing and eternal beauty.
Our faith that God has let these things happen for reasons beyond our understanding... that is what makes this bearable. Hear me out.
If there were no God, these things would be simply tragic. There would be no reason, unknown or known. This would be all there was. There would be no answer to the question, in Heaven or on earth. If humanity were the whole story, there would be no hope for good coming from evil.
With a beneficent, albeit mysterious God, we can hope that there is a reason. God is not pleased when humanity acts in such evil ways. But He alone can bring good out of such things.
That line from Tennyson keeps coming to mind:
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
This statement seems straightforward enough when all you have known is love. In the joy and happiness of love, it seems obvious that loss - that impossible, far-off, hypothetical state - would be made bearable by the past love.
When you lose, though... things change. In our smallness and weakness, we might wish that that person had never entered our lives. Whether taken by death or by estrangement, separation from someone who was part of your heart is unbearably painful.
And there is that fact: the greater the love, the greater the loss.
With God, though, that loss is not permanent. Love can remain through loss because there is something beyond loss.
We have to believe - we have to hope - that God has taken His precious children to His heart and will hold them close.
That is what will get us through this.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of those affected - directly and indirectly - by yesterday's tragedy.
Pray. Mourn. But Hope.
Because Love Himself has conquered death.
We can do a couple of things. We can pray, mourn, and hope. Or we can blame.
Blame can feel good. To point a finger at everyone and everything with any connection to the event. Within hours of the tragedy, my twitter feed was full of people sending petitions to Obama for more gun control, petitioning for armed guards at every school, and calling for a stricter policy regarding those people with mental illness.
It takes an out of control situation and puts it back into a controlled box.
When faced with chaos and confusion, we desperately try to find solutions. This is part of our nature as rational beings. And like all of the varied aspects of our rationality, it can be used well. It can also be used poorly.
What happened yesterday was an unmitigated, undeniable, unimaginable tragedy. So many hearts were broken. Shattered. Lives were changed forever.
We cannot understand.
We cannot understand why God lets these things happen.
In our desperation, we blame.
But blame is just words. Ugly, sometimes hateful, words.
Prayer, mourning, and hope... those look toward healing and eternal beauty.
Our faith that God has let these things happen for reasons beyond our understanding... that is what makes this bearable. Hear me out.
If there were no God, these things would be simply tragic. There would be no reason, unknown or known. This would be all there was. There would be no answer to the question, in Heaven or on earth. If humanity were the whole story, there would be no hope for good coming from evil.
With a beneficent, albeit mysterious God, we can hope that there is a reason. God is not pleased when humanity acts in such evil ways. But He alone can bring good out of such things.
That line from Tennyson keeps coming to mind:
Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
This statement seems straightforward enough when all you have known is love. In the joy and happiness of love, it seems obvious that loss - that impossible, far-off, hypothetical state - would be made bearable by the past love.
When you lose, though... things change. In our smallness and weakness, we might wish that that person had never entered our lives. Whether taken by death or by estrangement, separation from someone who was part of your heart is unbearably painful.
And there is that fact: the greater the love, the greater the loss.
With God, though, that loss is not permanent. Love can remain through loss because there is something beyond loss.
We have to believe - we have to hope - that God has taken His precious children to His heart and will hold them close.
That is what will get us through this.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of those affected - directly and indirectly - by yesterday's tragedy.
Pray. Mourn. But Hope.
Because Love Himself has conquered death.
12 December 2012
Yamaclaus for Chrismukkah
My Jewish uncle calls all of us Catholics "Super-Jews" since we have all of the Old Testament in addition to the New Testament. Y'know, the whole fulfillment of the scriptures thing.
On the television show "The OC," they celebrate the "super-holiday" of Chrismukkah. Jesus and Moses were having lunch one day, apparently, and decided to combine their powers to create a celebration that would have twice the resistance of any normal holiday to the Scrooges of the world.
Since we watched "The OC" (yes, yes, I know...) and we're super-Jews, we felt entitled to have our own bit of Chrismukkah fun. Inspired by the show, I made yamaclaus.
These little felt and fluff hats are super easy to make, although the fluff gets all over your kitchen table, floor, and black sweat pants. Oops.
First, you cut a circle of felt. I used a cereal bowl, decided it was too big, and used a slightly smaller mixing bowl. Hence the circle of felt in the picture below.
Then you cut a radial slit (from the center to the circumference).
You overlap those two sides until you get the desired "peak" of the hat. You can glue it together, or you can run a quick stitch through it on your machine. I think the latter is easier, but if you can't sew, you should probably take your chances with the hot glue.
It's really convenient if you happen to be in a wedding where the dresses are the appropriate red-ish color and the shoulder pads are round and the perfect size.
Then you have a nice, long bonding session with the hot glue gun. Yay.
I put the little fluff balls on top first and then put the fluff around the edges.
You have to kind of mess with the edging since it's straight and your hat is curved... it can't be perfect, given the laws of space and matter, but it'll be close enough.
Ta da!! Yamaclaus!!
On the television show "The OC," they celebrate the "super-holiday" of Chrismukkah. Jesus and Moses were having lunch one day, apparently, and decided to combine their powers to create a celebration that would have twice the resistance of any normal holiday to the Scrooges of the world.
Since we watched "The OC" (yes, yes, I know...) and we're super-Jews, we felt entitled to have our own bit of Chrismukkah fun. Inspired by the show, I made yamaclaus.
These little felt and fluff hats are super easy to make, although the fluff gets all over your kitchen table, floor, and black sweat pants. Oops.
First, you cut a circle of felt. I used a cereal bowl, decided it was too big, and used a slightly smaller mixing bowl. Hence the circle of felt in the picture below.
You overlap those two sides until you get the desired "peak" of the hat. You can glue it together, or you can run a quick stitch through it on your machine. I think the latter is easier, but if you can't sew, you should probably take your chances with the hot glue.
Then you have a nice, long bonding session with the hot glue gun. Yay.
I put the little fluff balls on top first and then put the fluff around the edges.
You have to kind of mess with the edging since it's straight and your hat is curved... it can't be perfect, given the laws of space and matter, but it'll be close enough.
Ta da!! Yamaclaus!!
Not my week...
It's been a rough couple of days.
I went to the emergency room in an ambulance for respiratory issues.
Then National Pen decided to end my temp assignment because I'm too much of a liability.
Ooof.
On the bright side:
This gives me more time to look at graduate programs.
I have time off to visit my friends in DC.
Win some, lose some.
Onward and upward, right?
I went to the emergency room in an ambulance for respiratory issues.
Then National Pen decided to end my temp assignment because I'm too much of a liability.
Ooof.
On the bright side:
This gives me more time to look at graduate programs.
I have time off to visit my friends in DC.
Win some, lose some.
Onward and upward, right?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)