Ever since I left TAC, I have missed the feeling of sacredness and closeness to God at church. St. Michael's, while a great parish, feels a bit cold and distant to me. It isn't beautiful, it isn't warm and welcoming. It's white and green.
It also isn't super traditional. I mean it's traditional, but it isn't Latin, hymns, and incense (the last of which my asthmatic lungs appreciate). I haven't found the way to make it my happy place yet. The quiet and smallness of the earliest Sunday Mass are as close as it gets.
I believe God is there. I believe that He is just as present in the Eucharist at St. Michael's as anywhere else. I pray... but it requires a lot of focus and effort.
Kneeling during the Consecration today at St. Gabriel's, I realized that it is an easy place to believe and to pray. I am 100% comfortable, relaxed, and trusting. It was my parish from age 8 to age 19. I grew up there, not only from a child to a young adult, but I grew in my faith. I grew up as a Catholic there.
And it didn't used to be beautiful. It used to be a bingo hall. The chairs were covered in orangeish-brown pleather and were hooked together in long rows. We had computerized bells for the Consecration. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't super traditional. Heck, on some days, it wasn't even traditional.
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| See? Not so traditional... |
It seems to hold some weight. Otherwise, why would I love St. Gabriel's so much? It wasn't beautiful when I was there, even though it is now. It has none of the things that I would normally consider "necessary" in a Church (Latin, hymns, etc.) Nevertheless, it is just as holy a place to me as Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity Chapel on campus.
Why? Is it simply nostalgia? Is it simply a feeling or is it something more?
I don't have a definitive answer to this question. I am inclined to say that it is something more. Human beings are physical creatures. The Mass appeals to our senses. The architecture of a Church is intended to physically draw our eyes - and thereby, our hearts - up to God.
God, in His infinite wisdom, sent us His Son to show us the way to salvation. To physically die for us. To physically rise on the third day.
Jesus instituted the Eucharist. He instituted the transubstantiation of bread and wine - physical things - into His Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity.
He didn't do that because He is a physical being, because He isn't. He took on our nature and became flesh so that we could see Him. Hear Him. Touch Him. He did that for us because we are physical creatures.
It has been established in studies that physical things evoke memories in us. Places, smells, etc., have the power to remind us of times past. It's more than emotional feeling. It is a way in which we can connect and reconnect with things that are important - maybe things that that we have lost or missed.
That reconnection reminds us - at the very least, it reminds me - of the ever-present, ever-loving God that we have. He doesn't leave us and he doesn't change. When we go back to Him, we find him just as we left Him. Loving, forgiving, merciful, good... Everything to everyone.
When I go back to St. Gabriel's, I physically go back to where I learned to love Him. It helps me - inspires me - to love Him more.
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