A couple of days ago, I started writing a blog post inspired by this beautiful gem of a quote from the only & only Ann Voskamp:
I stared at the blinking cursor for fifteen minutes without typing anything. I thought I could shake my writer's block by eating lunch, keeping the browser window up, but neither time nor food gave me the push to write.
Now I know why: today's psalm at Mass was waiting for me, ready to lend God's Word & inspiration to my little thoughts. I don't know that this will make them big thoughts, but it will make them better thoughts... that's what He does. He makes all things good.
~~~
Indulge me for a moment while I use a ridiculous example.
Imagine buying your best friend tickets to Disneyland every weekend for the rest of his life. It would drain your pockets, quite probably put you in debt. But you do it anyway because you love him that enormously. Your gift is a sign and reciprocation of his gift of friendship.
But what does Jesus tell us about helping our friends, lending them money, possessions, or even our time? That it doesn't amount to generosity. That isn't a virtue. We are only generous when we give without thought of a return.
What would you do if this same Disneyland-going friend had betrayed you, insulted you, and left you without looking back?
In a virtuous love, a Christ-like love, we would continue gifting that friend with Disneyland tickets. Why? Because we bought those tickets as a gift of friendship, a free expression of our love for the other person. A sign of our unconditional love.
We have to invest ourselves without expecting a profit. He wants us to be a one-way street of giving.
Sound ridiculous? A bit.
Sound familiar? It should. All Christ is asking us to do is love others the same way He loves us.
And He gifted us with His love by giving His own self. We had given Him nothing. We had insulted Him, disobeyed Him, disappointed Him, abandoned Him. Without waiting for us to merit His favor, earn His trust, or even repent adequately, He gave us everything.
He didn't wait for us to promise, to guarantee that we would love Him back. He owed us nothing; we owed Him everything. But rather than demanding that we pay our debt, He gave us everything. He paid our debt to Him and then some. He merited Heaven for us.
He didn't buy us weekly trips to Disneyland... He bought our admission to eternal life.
Because He is grace, He is our Greatest Blessing.
He. Gifts. Himself. To. Us.
Each Divine Person of our One God deserves more praise and thanksgiving than we can ever give Him... through Him we live, we move, we have our being.
... but how can we thank Him when we feel like He isn't there for us? When things go terribly wrong, when life isn't fair, it's tempting to feel abandoned by our Savior. He promised us joy... why, then, does it seem that the more we love Him, the more we trip and fall on our faces?
Because sometimes He wants us to be His gift. And that itself is the greatest gift: we are allowed to be Christ to others.
Think about that for a minute.
Wait. Keep thinking about it.
If your mind isn't blown yet by the humbling and enormously frightening reality of that gift, let me help.
Jesus is grace. He gifts us Himself so we carry that grace, His grace, His light in our own persons. That grace, that gift of Jesus Himself, is not something we should (or even really can) keep to ourselves. We can't contain Him.
So when nothing can go right for you - the car won't start, your clothes don't fit, your milk has soured, and your life just seems upside-down-and-inside-out - it can be hard to find God's blessings. It's hard to see His grace at work because everywhere you look just reminds you of what you don't have or what you need to get done or that you feel alone. Because how can the God of the universe let the universe of someone He loves fall to pieces? Shouldn't the life of a Christian be joyful and peaceful?
A word in today's psalm struck me. Let's pray Psalm Twenty-Three:
You spread the table before me
in the sight of my foes;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Only goodness and kindness follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
for years to come.
in the sight of my foes;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Only goodness and kindness follow me
all the days of my life;
and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD
for years to come.
Sounds good, right? He spreads a table before me. Fantastic. My cup overflows. Awesome. But then... "only goodness and kindness follow me all the days of my life"... they follow me. The verb choice here is very telling. Goodness and kindness don't greet me, don't welcome me, don't throw a constant party for me. They follow me.
Our life will be established and rooted and transformed in & through joy and peace. But the world holds a lot of darkness. We can't expect to find light everywhere we go; we are expected to bring light - The Light - everywhere we go. We are called to light up the world. Christ calls us to bring goodness and kindness everywhere, all the days of our lives, because the world needs it, not because it already has it.
Life in Christ is joyful and peaceful, but not always in a way we can see clearly.
He spoils us. He really does. He gives us so many things, both the enormous graces of the Sacraments and the tiny graces of beautiful flowers. His graces are our gifts and He showers them on us. I don't use showers flippantly here - He really, truly showers us with His gifts.
But the greatest gift He can give us? It doesn't come with warm fuzzies or tied up with ribbons. The greatest gift He can give us is to allow us to be His Blessing. But being His blessing hurts. It hurts because we can only be Christ to others when we are giving ourselves to others. Being His blessing doesn't feel like handing down your leftovers to someone in need. Being His blessing feels like taking a part of yourself and giving it away. Christ gave Himself to us so that we might have life. To be Christ to others, we must also give ourselves, our lives, to others.
Where He needs us to bring His Blessing most are places that are darkest. Those dark corners and shadowy places are where His Light is needed most. Those are not places where you will find welcome and love and acceptance as a Christian, but those are the places that desperately need Christ. You won't find that goodies bags of extra graces are handed to you as you venture into those dark places. The gifts come from you - Christ gives you the gift of being His Gift to another person.
The greatest gift He can give us is to be the Blessing.
It's incredibly humbling to realize that's what He wants us to do. He asks that we strive to bring & leave goodness and kindness here on our earthly journey, especially to the places that don't have it in the abundance He desires.
So when the world is dark and scary and sad, when it seems like all you do is give, give, give... remember that is your greatest gift from God. And just keep giving. He won't ever run out of gifts for you.
Life in Christ is joyful and peaceful, but not always in a way we can see clearly.
He spoils us. He really does. He gives us so many things, both the enormous graces of the Sacraments and the tiny graces of beautiful flowers. His graces are our gifts and He showers them on us. I don't use showers flippantly here - He really, truly showers us with His gifts.
But the greatest gift He can give us? It doesn't come with warm fuzzies or tied up with ribbons. The greatest gift He can give us is to allow us to be His Blessing. But being His blessing hurts. It hurts because we can only be Christ to others when we are giving ourselves to others. Being His blessing doesn't feel like handing down your leftovers to someone in need. Being His blessing feels like taking a part of yourself and giving it away. Christ gave Himself to us so that we might have life. To be Christ to others, we must also give ourselves, our lives, to others.
Where He needs us to bring His Blessing most are places that are darkest. Those dark corners and shadowy places are where His Light is needed most. Those are not places where you will find welcome and love and acceptance as a Christian, but those are the places that desperately need Christ. You won't find that goodies bags of extra graces are handed to you as you venture into those dark places. The gifts come from you - Christ gives you the gift of being His Gift to another person.
The greatest gift He can give us is to be the Blessing.
It's incredibly humbling to realize that's what He wants us to do. He asks that we strive to bring & leave goodness and kindness here on our earthly journey, especially to the places that don't have it in the abundance He desires.
So when the world is dark and scary and sad, when it seems like all you do is give, give, give... remember that is your greatest gift from God. And just keep giving. He won't ever run out of gifts for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment