Societal Demands & Personal Something-or-Other

Society demands that we be normal. Hence the term, "normal." Don't be abnormal, guys.

It sets up expectations of how we should live. These expectations encompass everything: our clothes, our behavior, our eating habits, our ability to hold a conversation, etc. We are graded by our friends, our family, and Pinterest. (How does the party you threw compare to everyone else's? Just look on Pinterest and find out!) We strive to win. We see that there is a standard by which we are measured. If we fall short of that standard, we are the losers.

Such societal demands affect the personal whatchamacallit. You know, those personal standards. We establish rules for ourselves. We can fail ourselves.

That's an awesome truth about humanity. It's a consequence of our self-awareness & rationality. I can see myself, as I am, and I can also "see myself" as I want to be. I can compare those two realities of me... one presently real, the other hypothetically, futuristically real. 

It's awesome in the strict sense of awesome. It makes your balloon of emotion fill with awe. Ok, that's sappy. It's awesome. It's neat. It's freaking cool that we can do that.

It's also terrifying & can be debilitating.

Human beings are little balls of potential (or big, if you prefer to think of yourself as big). (Technically, we are actual. We wouldn't exist actually if we weren't actual. There is so much more that we can do than what we are currently doing. That's what makes us both actual and potential. Only God is pure actuality. End of philosophy tangent.) We are capable of change.

Motion, or change, requires a direction & an end goal. (Oh, shut up, Newton.) So where is our goal? I don't know about you, but my goal is Heaven. That eternal, glorious, perfect, painless, joyful, thankful, happy life for which Jesus suffered death and then destroyed death so that we could participate in it.

It's perfection.

But I'm not perfect.

I'm aiming for perfection.

But if I only set that far-off goal, I am setting myself up for utter frustration. Because I won't ever be perfect. That's going to require some serious purgatory time. Sigh. So I set myself that goal: Heaven. But in the meantime, I aim for progress. I aim for baby steps.

I can do progress. I can do better than right now.

I can't do perfect. I can change my imperfection, though. I can make it less imperfect.

I may fail. Epically. Ok, I will fail epically. But tripping and falling on your face is less traumatic while attempting a baby step than plummeting into a wide, deep chasm while trying to hurtle a great canyon.

(this post inspired by the above image. that i found on pinterest. hehe.)

The Ties That Bind

Four years in one place. Many, many friends. Good times. Not so good times. Daily Mass, daily class, daily arguments, daily hugs, daily life with four hundred people. Every day, day in and day out, same people, same routine. I loved it. There were moments I hated it too, but I always loved it.

How much I loved it really hit me this weekend, when my social networks were filled with updates of my friends going back to school. Without me. They'll matriculate and go to class while I go back to work. Work is work. Not bad, not good... a job that gives me money. My old schoolmates will all think and learn and I won't be thinking. I will be "learning"... not to know, but to be able to repeat tasks a multitude of times correctly. No causes, no truth.

It all feels so... empty.

My mother assures me that this is a phase. A transition period. Something that will pass. I hope she's right (she usually is right). That doesn't mean I like it, though. I distinctly dislike it.

(and I know I'm whining. but sometimes, you just really need to whine. especially about the important stuff. and how it's over. forever. please let new important stuff arrive in my life soon!)

What *I* Do Best

People have stuff they're good at. All sorts of stuff. Usually, it's enhanced by a college education and supplemented by experience in the workforce. Engineers. Doctors. Musicians. Radiologists. Etc.

But what's a girl with a double major in Philosophy and Theology and a minor in math, but lacking in the patience that is requisite for teaching, to do? She works 40 hours a week doing things she's relatively not good at. Like answering the phone and doing accounting clerk stuff. In the evening, she drags her tired self to Bible study. And there she gets to do what she does best.

Last night I ventured out of the house. I was hesitant to go since I was so very tired, but I decided it would be good. Worst case scenario, I could fall asleep on the floor while the video was playing. That isn't what happened, though. We all watched the video. I raised a quizzical eyebrow at some of the claims made, but agreed with most of it. The discussion that we had afterward wasn't always focused. We talked about trivial things (like catching "spiritual fleas") and serious things (like the meaning of "transverberation"). I brought up some reservations that I had with some of the claims made on the video, but found that I had the most to say about anything. I had strong opinions... most other people had questions.

I felt so obnoxious. I kept telling them to tell me to shut up if I was getting annoying, but the evening ended up evolving into a Q&A session with me as the resident source of knowledge. I was kind of embarrassed, but I did have an answer for everything. I tried to speak simply, but I still made their brains hurt. I was asked to bring a lexicon next time. Not in a bad way... they all wanted to know more.

I apologized multiple times for spouting factoids and syllogisms concerning the goodness of being as such and how we can be sinful and given grace simultaneously. They just sort of... popped out. But they were just grateful.

I realized on the way home, though, that while they were impressed, this is what I do best. I don't get to do what I do best at work, but after work. I was given a top-notch education at TAC. I don't know everything, but I've got a head-start on most everyone else. If I can't answer questions like this, what can I do? I was educated to know. I just hope I can use that to help others reach the same thing.

Truth. Goodness. Beauty. For the win.