Living with EDS - Swimsuit Edition

I've been living with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome since birth. As a child, I was considered to resemble Gumby a little too closely, but it wasn't cause for real concern. As I've gotten older, it's presented a more serious set of problems, including chronic joint pain, fragile skin, and an inhibited ability to develop scar tissue.

A new issue, which reared its ugly head just this summer, is a less serious, but incredibly frustrating fashion issue: halter tops cause my neck joints to slide forward and push against my windpipe. I'm not even sure your neck joints can dislocate, but mine certainly seem to do so. The pressure of the band across the back of my neck causes this rather painful occurrence. I don't like it much. 

So what? I can't wear halter tops. Big deal.

BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL!

There are already so many rules that I have to follow regarding swimsuits. I like to keep my tummy and my derriere covered. I like to keep the cleavage to a minimum. Basically, I like to wear a cute suit that doesn't resemble a bridal shower gift. Pardon me.

I found an adorable swimsuit that met all these requirements this year. I was super excited. It was pretty much perfect. No cleavage, not too much back, not too much leg, no tummy. I put it on and tied the knot behind my neck.

Then POP went said neck.

Ow. Sigh. Owwwwww.

I went perusing websites again, searching for an alternative that didn't cost a ton (since I'd already invested a considerable amount in the offending suit) and didn't push my comfy modesty envelope. Every freaking swimsuit that I found is a halter top. Occasionally, I came across a racer back suit, but then the front was so low that I don't think I'd ever be able to leave the house while wearing it.

Another rule, another guideline, another hurdle for my life. Living with EDS isn't easy. It even affects my swim season. The swimsuits are trying to kill me, too.

Yet Another Post About Modesty

(I don't mean to beat a dead horse. Really, I don't. It seems that every Catholic/Christian/opinionated woman in the blogosphere has a post or two about modesty. If you're tired of the subject, please, feel free to skip this post. I'm blogging from my heart and only intend to help my fellow women navigate a small aspect of this crazy world. I do not intend to offend anyone or even to defend any particular group of people. I'm simply expressing my thoughts. xoxo)

My dear women,

We've all been there. Stepping out of the shower in front of the mirror that graces the wall of every bathroom. Barely glancing at our reflection. If we do glance there, we immediately bombard ourselves with a litany of insults. I'm fat. My stomach sticks out. My thighs are too big. My breasts are too small. My nose is wide. My forehead is short. We wrap towels tightly around our imperfect bodies and hurry through the motions of getting dressed. Covering up. Hiding our shame.

We wear layers of clothes, all designed to accentuate our good features and hide our bad ones. We arrange and rearrange the combinations to diminish the appearance of imperfections. If we are ashamed of our skin, we hide it.

Sometimes we do this in the name of modesty. We tell ourselves that we shouldn't wear clothes that are too tight because it's immodest. But ask yourself - are you doing it because you find your body beautiful and wonderful or because you are embarrassed by what you see? Are you unwilling to share the secret beauties of your body because they are holy or because you see them as ugly sources of shame?

Modesty is not a cover-up of imperfections because we are ashamed. It does not adjust necklines because we are embarrassed about our cleavage. It does not tug down a skirt because thighs are ugly. Modesty is not intended to hide ugliness. It is intended to veil beauty.

Even if you don't have body-image issues, you can still approach modesty with the wrong attitude. You may recognize the beauty of your feminine body, but you cover it because you're ashamed of the beauty. I know this seems impossible and even contradictory, but I have known women who love their legs, but cover them in baggy pants because they are afraid. Afraid to love themselves. Afraid to lead men to lustful glances. Afraid, afraid, afraid.

But ladies, modesty isn't fear. Modesty is confident. It recognizes beauty and does not fear it. It protects it and honors it, but it does not fear it.

If you carefully measure necklines in finger-widths from your collar bone and conscientiously make sure your shorts extend past your fingertips, make sure you do it with the right attitude. Clothing does not a modest woman make. The attitude adjustments that I am encouraging do not demand a change in your wardrobe. All I am suggesting is that when you put those clothes on, remember that you are beautifully and wonderfully made. Your body is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it something to be feared. It is your body, given to you by God, to be loved and protected.

Much love, beautiful ladies.

xoxo

 

Bikini-Clad Catholic?

A topic of hot debate: can girls concerned with modesty wear a bikini? Points of concern: the girls' dignity, the boys' eyes and imaginations. But for this Catholic girl, it really has always come down to one thing: they just aren't flattering.

Don't get me wrong, please. It's not that I don't think that girls have dignity and beauty (because they do). It's not that I don't think boys should view girls as lovable, not gawkable (I will personally slug any boy I catch gawking openly). It's not that I don't believe that boys have rather vivid imaginations (I just have to trust the ones I know... and the ones who deny that they're that way... well, I don't know any of them, so my clothing choices are really neither here nor there as far as they're concerned). But those subjects have been hashed and rehashed by people for years. And I mean years. Smart people, dumb people, extreme people (to both sides), girls, guys, Catholics, non-Catholics... people have a bit of an obsession with the modesty thing and I am not going to join on that band wagon. I am not going to approach this from moral grounds. I am going to approach this from my base female nature (by which I mean my instincts, not that I'm gross or a lower being or something).

The simplest reason that I don't want to wear them is that I look ridiculous in them. My Italian heritage has pre-determined too many things about my shape. It is not something I care to expose to the world. I like my tummy covered, thank you. Because it's not all that pretty. Honestly (no offense, ladies), I don't think most girls look fabulous in bikinis either. Sure, there are bikini models in the world. They look stunning and gorgeous. Maybe too gorgeous for masculine imaginations to handle. That said, most of us don't look like them. Right? C'mon.

So maybe, in the end, I am keeping myself covered to help the fellas'. And the gals, too. No one wants to see this.