... but not cute enough to make up for your other deficiencies.
You guys hooked? Good. Keep reading to hear the entirety.
The Story of the Cute Guy in Mass Today
As I was praying before Mass, I noticed that behind me to my right was a well-dressed young man. A few surreptitious glances through my conveniently drifting eye and I discerned that he was reasonably cute, although shorter than what is preferable. Said to self, "Ok, Bridget. He's cute. Don't do anything embarrassing during Mass. Maybe you'll run into him after Mass and be able to strike up a conversation with him. Yes, this could be good. Don't ruin it by doing something dumb/embarrassing/potentially life threatening."
If I wasn't already sold on this dude, I became sold when he opened his mouth to join in the opening hymn and the most beautiful sound started coming out. Not a pop star voice, not an overly-vibrato'd voice that is just trying too hard, but a beautiful, incredible, wonderful baritone voice that you could listen to all day. Or, at least, I could listen to all day. It was wonderful. I wanted to marry him.
That was the high point in our relationship. After that, things started to go downhill. First, he laughed at the first reading. I don't know what about it he found funny, but apparently he thought it was funny because he got all giggly.
Second, the Gospel made him emit some noise that sounded like crying. Yes, crying. Weird.
Third, at every song announcement, he would make some under-his-breath-but-not-quiet-enough-for-me-not-to-hear comment about the song choice. "Ooooh, interesting choice."; "I don't like this one."; "I've never heard of this one."; "YES, I like this one!"
Fourth, HE KEPT STARING AT ME. Incessantly. Ok, ok, I know you're wondering how I know that since he was behind me. First, he wasn't directly behind me. As aforementioned, he was behind me to my right, so he was well within "corner of my eye" range. Second, I had to get up for both collections and he watched me walk back and forth. It wasn't even subtle. IT WAS LIKE HE WAS TRYING TO TRAP ME WITH HIS EYEBALLS AND KEEP ME THERE FOREVER. Ok, that's probably an exaggeration, but it was weird. Third, and most importantly, girls know when a guy is staring. It's just in the programming. Sorry, dudes. Even subtle staring is usually detectable.
Fifth, he bequeathed the sign of peace upon people like he was some celebrity doing you a great honor. He was very... smiley. And enthusiastic. Me no likey. If we must have the sign of peace, keep it short and non-obtrusive. Preferably, it doesn't involve touching people. None of this intense eye-contact, longer-than-necessary handshake business.
Sixth, he likes "Canticle of the Sun." No, please&thankyou.
At the end of Mass, as I was kneeling to pray, he tapped me on the shoulder and told me, "Keep singing. You have a very nice voice." (The compliment was sweet. Thanks, dude.) Then he walked away, looking pleased as punch with himself. Or me. Or the world. It's really hard to tell exactly what he found so pleasing since this isn't fiction and I couldn't actually ask him what he was pleased with, but he just kept staring and smiling at me as he walked away.
I don't want to marry him anymore.
2 comments:
Still talk to the guy! See if he's awkwardly fumbling because he's struck by the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, or if he's really just weird. Maybe he was trying to impress you, but didn't know how. Sometimes guys need YOU to teach them how. And sometimes they're just crazy :)
Which Mass did you go to? This reminds me of someone I know.
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