Language

Everyone has something (or more than one something) about themselves that they find embarrassing. For me, this (or one of these many, many things in the case of this lil' missy) is my horrendously bad understanding of my native language. Sure, I can churn out a decent paper, spell decently, and know a large handful of words to make my vocabulary more interesting. But my grammar... isn't what it should be. I don't know the rules. Never have. Probably never will. *sigh*

I learned more about the English language in my sophomore year Latin class of all things. Mr. D is a grammar nazi, who knows all of the rules and applies them with great... enthusiasm. He openly laughs at those who don't know them. He would go on and on about some very, very important grammar rule that 11 of his 12 students hadn't heard of (or remembered, as the case may be). We would all look at our books, or the floor, or the ceiling... anywhere but at him. Conor, of course, always knew the rules, and would nod emphatically in agreement and then shoot a look at me like, "what, don't you know what he's talking about? this is kindergarten stuff!" and I would turn redder than ever. Mr. D always called me out on it, and the depth of my ignorance would be revealed for the whole world - well, the tiny section - to see. I didn't really mind. I loved Mr. D as a teacher (anyone who can make me like doing latin is sheer genius!), so I was willing to learn, even at the cost of my appearance of intelligence. :)

One example of this, which will probably stick with me til the day I die, is the difference between "less" and "fewer." Apparently, one uses "less" for continuous quantity and "fewer" for discreet quantities. For example, if you have a tub of ice cream (big blob of one item), one can have less ice cream than someone else. If, on the other hand, you have a box of ice cream bars (discreet items), one may have fewer bars than another. Sounds logical, right? I nodded my head in agreement. This made sense. I had never heard the rule enunciated as clearly, but it didn't go against any of my experience... or so I thought. My little wishful-thinking-bubble was popped when Mr. D brought up his pet peeve: grocery store express lanes. You know, the ones that say "10 items or less." Well, according to the wonderful, amazing, brilliant Mr. D (and Conor backed him up on this), it should be "10 items or fewer."

I was incredulous. No, that couldn't be right. Ever since I could read signs at the store (at about age 3), I had been accustomed to the language of "or less." It sounded right. It just couldn't be wrong! All of the stores in America could not have gotten that wrong. It was too big of a mistake. But Mr. D was insistent.

I eventually (after about 30 more seconds of absolute incredulity) came around and saw the absolutely logic of it. I was slightly disconcerted (ok, maybe more than slightly, given the clarity with which I remember this episode), but I was resolved to always use "less" and "fewer" correctly. And if I couldn't figure out which one was correct, I would just avoid it entirely. Completely. Absolutely. At least in front of Mr. D

Fast-forward 1.5 years. Going through the express lane this morning, I noticed that the sign above me read "15 items or fewer." HA! It was right!!! A grocery store got it right! I could barely contain my excitement. I barely restrained myself from congratulating the checker on the grammatical miracle.

Mr. D was right. And the brothers Stater agree with him.

Soooooo excited right now. :)